They'll Never Hurt You Like I Do
by Kermodei
Summary: Just views in retrospect of the Kiss in episode six, Spoilers, btw. So much angst, couldn't resist. Please r&r cause I'm sort of horrible at summaries


Despite What You Think, There's No Lock On The Closet Door

A/N: Okay, so Never Been Kissed has been in my head for the whole week, and though I'm a hardcore Hevan shipper, and I do not ship for Kurtofsky in the least, there was so much angst in this, I honestly couldn't help myself. Just a little one shot. Enjoy

Hearts And Hugs

Kermodei

Dave's POV

I hadn't told anyone. Figured I'd never have to. This was just a teenage thing, hormones and all that shit. He even looked like a girl for god's sake.

My ma always told me when I was little that kids always bully and tease the kids they have crushes on. I thought she was joking. But I'm doing that now. Grade 3 style flirting in grade 11. Great.

But that kiss, damn it. That kiss had cut off any chance of me ever being normal again. I had known he wouldn't like me! I mean, who the hell would, I've broken his bones! But some _stupid_ little part of me had hoped and now look where that got me. Seeing him walk down the halls was enough, I had to imagine kisses and…stuff with him. I didn't need to know what it actually felt like. But stupid, _stupid_ me had some crazy idea that, since I would probably be the first dude to come on to him, that he'd like me. In romance novels and shit, isn't it supposed to be like that, isn't your first supposed to be your true? My ma certainly thinks it is. Wonder what she'd say if she knew it wasn't.

And now, he was gone. Great. Probably better for me. But that look on his face, after I kissed him, that was the worst. Worse then him telling people about me, about what had happened. It looked like I'd fucking lip-raped him. I had. He cried after I left, I know it. But he wasn't the only one.

So the next day, I shove him harder. Yell fag louder. Try to make him believe that nothing happened. Try to get myself to believe. But I can't keep this up for long. Touching his shoulder totally does not compare to touching his lips. But that'll never happen again, whether I want it to or not. So hating the fairy is the only option.

Kurt's POV

I honestly wish I could hate him. What he did was unacceptable and out of line, even under completely differing circumstances. He had invaded my personal space, he had taken my first romantic encounter with a gender I preferred, and he hadn't even apologized after, just shoved me into a locker.

But I can't hate him. I…understand. Sort of. Hiding yourself, hating yourself, you take it out on others. You hurt them, even if you don't mean to. In moments of desperation to make yourself heard, you make a fool of yourself.

I did this with Finn. I screwed up. When he rejected me, for real, all I could think of was that there went my only chance at love. At something that might have made me happy. I've ruined the rest of my future, all because I was desperate for somebody to love, and for someone to love me. I felt that crushing feeling where you only want to hide and tell everyone else to back off, not because you're angry, but because you know you'll only hurt them too. The pain you fell morphs into self-hate, and you become selfish and self-centered because all you can think about is ways people will hate you. It takes a long time to recover from hurt like that.

So I can't hate Karofsky, or Dave. I can only imagine that the way he feels is similar to the way I felt. I feel horrible for being the one to dish out such pain. Karofsky was never nice or decent, but no one deserves that sort of forever-hurt.

I honestly hope one day he'll come to terms with himself, and not feel the immense self-loathing that kept myself and many others in the restraints of the closet. One day, I hope he'll find his prince, night, or whatever he may fancy. I hope that they'll be happy, because, for now, anyone can see he's not, and that's just not fair.

Everyone, no matter how cruel, misunderstood, different, weird, or desperate, deserves to be loved.


End file.
